Spoon- the Story of an Insane 6-year-old
by My Dear Frodo
Summary: This story is not about a spoon. It's about Spoon, a crazy girl who comes to Middle Earth (no one knows how) and annoys the fellowship.
1. Nicknames and Insults

**A/N: Hi! So this is the weirdest story I have ever written. Inspired by bookfreak1317's '19 Ways to Annoy Legolas.' Because it is quite similar to their story, I did PM them and ask if I could post it. They said that I could. Enjoy!  
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**Disclaimer: Don't own LotR. And I don't want to write a disclaimer for the rest of the chapters so I still won't own LotR by the time I write them all.**

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A little girl was skipping through the trees, when she saw the Fellowship walking down a path. She laughed, sounding fairly insane, and proceeded to run over to each member, tap each of them on the head, and give them each a nickname.

"Hello, Gim! And Bore-Bore! And Fro foe! And Samgee! And Doc! And Grin! And Leggy! And Aragroan! And Gandy!" Spoon exclaimed, tapping them twice on the head.

"Who are you? What is your purpose?" Aragorn asked, his hand holding the hilt of his sword. The girl laughed.

"My name is Spoon! And my purpose? I have no purpose, my dear Aragroan!" Spoon exclaimed. The fellowship took in her appearance. She was wearing a bright orange cape with a pink butterfly shirt and black, white, and green polka dot leggings.

"Spoon?" Pippin asked, inquisitively.

"Yes, Grin! Don't ask me why! I guess it's just what my parents wanted to name me!" She giggled. Her face held a smile, but this was an unusual smile. It looked innocent and sweet, but at the same time, murderous. "You know, if you plan on going the whole way to Mordor, you may want to get going," she said, breaking the silence.

"How do you know of our quest?" Legolas asked. Spoon rolled her eyes.

"I'm obviously not from this world, Leggy! Your 'mission, quest, thing,' as Grin here put it at the council with Lord Elly, is a story in my world," her facial expression changed from a mischievous grin to a serious, longing look. "I feel your pain, Bore-Bore. I know what it's like to be torn apart from your one true love!" She exclaimed dramatically, putting the back of her hand on her forehead and pretending to faint. She got up before most of the fellowship could even register that she hit the ground. She laughed. "Oh, wait! I must be confused. Aragroan's the one that was torn apart. From Arwen. . Bore-Bore, you're forever alone. Miserably single. Unloved!" She patted Boromir on the shoulder, as if she was trying to comfort him. Boromir backed up, a this-person-is-crazy-I-don't-know-what-she's-doing look on his face.

"And Gim! She only gave you a couple locks of-" her eyes widened as if she realized something terribly important. "Where are we?" She asked.

"We are in Hollin," Gandalf said. "Now if you wouldn't mind answering some-" Spoon laughed.

"Of course! Silly me! Gim would have no idea what I was talking about. Not just because it hasn't happened yet, but because dwarves are so dense and stuck-up. I should have known where we were, though! I mean, seriously! You're all here!" She commented. "And you really should continue walking if you want to destroy it before the Enemy becomes extremely powerful and the Nazgul find you! Don't mind me! I'll just be here talking to you all rather loudly about personal issues that we know everyone has! Actually, you probably don't know that Leggy here has a weakness for shiny objects! And that he also has a fear of spiders! And he also only learned to fire a bow when he was twenty one years old! I guess that one can be excused. He is the best archer of Middle Earth, or that's what they say. Now, like I said. Let's walk, and talk," she finished, after her long paragraph of no breaths. Legolas' cheeks tinted pink, and the fellowship began walking away, dazed and confused by Spoon.

"That's what who says? What did you mean by, 'that's what they say'? Merry asked.

"The Lord of the Rings," she skipped along, going ahead of the fellowship, then turning back.

"The Enemy was talking about Legolas?" Merry looked shocked, as did the rest of the company.

"No, no, no, Doc! Of course not! The books! The movies! Though I guess you wouldn't have heard of them. After all, you are living the story! I guess dwarves aren't the only dense ones! Halflings!" She giggled. "Or half-wits!"

"We're not half-wits!" Sam cried. Spoon ignored him.

"So, Gandy," Spoon began. She looked to Gandalf to see him looking rather unfazed,

"Yes, Spoon?" Gandalf said. Spoon laughed.

"Do you speak the language of moths? Or do they speak a language that you speak? Or did you just put a spell on it? Or was it a special message delivery moth? Or was it just a floating hologram that you created?" Spoon questioned. Gandalf sighed.

"You certainly are strange," he commented.

"Well, duh, Gandy! Of course I am! But seriously. Answer my question."

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**A/N: Hope you enjoyed it! Please review! It makes me so happy! Elated! Ecstatic! :)**


	2. The Ring's in the River

**A/N: Here's the next chapter! I hope you like it! I don't know where I get my ideas from. I have a very strange mind. Enjoy! And please review cause it makes my day!**

**Special thanks to Lishinator1: thanks for reviewing! I really, really, really appreciate it! Thanks so much! I'd love to see it.**

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"Hello, Aragroan! Where's the rest of the lazy Fellowship?" Spoon asked, randomly emerging from the trees. She had gone back to Earth for about an hour, insisting that she needed to get something very important. Aragorn looked up from gathering wood for the fire.

"We thought that you'd left," he muttered. Spoon giggled.

"Course not! I can't just leave forever until I decide that I want to!" She began to run around Aragorn. "Now where's the rest of them?" Aragorn sighed, and got up and walked back to camp. Spoon followed him, laughing. When she saw the fellowship, all of the members were sleeping, except for Aragorn and Gandalf. Gandalf was sitting on a rock, holding his pipe and making smoke rings. Spoon walked over to Gandalf, eyes wide, and jumped up and poked a smoke ring, making it turn into a thin line of smoke in the air. She nodded, as if in approval, then looked up at the sky to see the sun peeking up over the horizon. Her face held a look of determination as she quietly stepped over the sleeping fellowship, and poked Aragorn in the gut to get his attention. He looked down and saw Spoon motioning for him to lean down. He did so, hesitantly.

"Shouldn't we wake them up?" She whispered. Aragorn shook his head, and told her to leave them for a few minutes. She rolled her eyes, and muttered something about how they should all go kiss an orc.

"But Aragorn! The sun's rising!" She yelled at the top of her lungs. With that, she began crying. "If you wanna make it to Mordor," she said between wails, "you have to get going as soon as possible!" Hearing the girl's crying, the fellowship began waking up.

"Shut that girl up!" Boromir said. Spoon stopped crying, much to the delight of the company, and she laughed.

"Bore-Bore! I'm so happy to see that you've picked up some of my world's common phrases. Now, since you're awake, you better get up! Good, Gim. Now Bore-Bore. Leggy? Hello?" She looked over Legolas, his eyes glazed in sleep.

"Wake up Leggy!" She screamed. Legolas sat up, nearly hitting Spoon. She laughed.

"Good. Now, the half-wits," she finished. They all sat up, glares on their faces.

"We're not half-wits!" They said in unison. Spoon giggled.

"Great! You're awake! Fro foe and Samgee, go get some dry firewood. Aragroan's is a little wet," she said. Aragorn opened his mouth to protest, when Spoon pointed to the ground where the firewood was placed directly under Spoon.

"Did you cry that much?" Pippin asked. Spoon laughed maniacally.

"Course not! I poured my water on it!" She held up an empty water bottle. The fellowship knew what it was, because she had explained it multiple times earlier. Sam and Frodo shook their heads, and went out to find firewood. Spoon laughed, and sat on a rock next to the river. She began twirling a chain on her finger. The fellowship took out some of their food to cook over the fire for breakfast. Legolas looked at Spoon, and noticed that she was twirling something on her finger. He walked over.

"What's that?" Legolas asked, eyes widening when he saw that it was a ring on a chain. A gold ring.

"This? It's the Ring! Well, actually it's-" she was cut off when she realized the chain was no longer on her finger. She looked up to see the ring splashing into the river. "Oops," she said, rather cheerily. She had a mischievous grin on her face. By that time, the whole fellowship was there watching her, save for Frodo and Sam.

"Gandalf?" Merry said, eyes wide. Gandalf's eyes narrowed.

"Make sure that she doesn't get away," Gandalf said, walking over to the river. Legolas, Boromir and Aragorn leaned down to grab her, but she rolled off the rock and began to run. Pippin tried to grab her leg, but she jumped to avoid his sliding body.

"Listen, be reasonable!" She yelled, running further into the forest.

"Reasonable? You know how important that ring is!" Boromir responded from behind her

"But it's not-" she began, but Aragorn grabbed her arm, coming at a different angle then Boromir. Legolas dropped down from the trees above them. She began kicking and struggling, but Legolas grabbed her legs, and they carried her back to the camp. They arrived at the same time as Frodo and Sam. Sam groaned.

"What did she do?" Frodo asked, eyebrows raised.

"Fro foe! Show them the ring!" She insisted. He looked skeptical.

"Why?" He asked.

"Because they think that I threw it into the river!" She screamed. Frodo hesitantly put his hand to his neck and pulled out the ring. "See? I didn't throw it into the river!"

"Then what did you throw into the river?" Legolas asked.

"Well, you see Leggy, as I was trying to tell you while you were chasing me, it's a replica of the ring. They sell them in my world. Now, remember, Sauron doesn't exist in my world. So it doesn't matter that we're making replicas. Oh, you can let go of me," she said, anger filling her. They dropped her, and Gandalf walked over.

"Everything seems to be settled," he concluded.

"Not everything," Spoon growled. She motioned for Boromir, Legolas and Aragorn to come closer. When they did, she slapped each of them.

"Now it's settled!" She laughed, and walked away. "Bet you've never been slapped by a girl before!" Saying that, she walked into the forest and disappeared, deciding that it was best to go back into her own world until the three she had slapped cooled down.

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**A/N: I hope you liked it! Just to clarify, Spoon had planned this, and she purposely threw the ring into the river. I'll try to update soon!**


	3. Right Before They Speak

**A/N: Hi! If you follow my other story, you'll know that I recently overcame writer's block! Yay! And just so you know, I have posted an Update Schedule (a schedule of when I'm going to upload a new chapter) to motivate me. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own LotR, nor do I own the Hamster Dance Song that Spoon is singing at the beginning.**

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"Dibidi ba didi dou dou, di ba didi dou, didi didldildidldidl houdihoudi dey dou. Dibidi ba didi dou dou, di ba didi dou, didi didldildidldidl houdihoudi dey dou," Spoon sang. She was holding a stack of paper in her hands, and she was skipping towards the fellowship. When Aragorn, Legolas, and Boromir saw her, they all dropped what they were doing and stalked towards her.

"Leggy, Bore-Bore, and Aragroan. Let me explain! You see, there was, um, there was a bug, yeah! There was a bug on all of your faces. Yes. Big bugs," she explained. "Anyhow, if you hurt me, who will make your lives interesting? I'm sure this journey would be quite boring without me. And you really shouldn't hit a girl." They stopped walking.

"You will be sorry," Boromir began.

"If you do anything," Legolas continued.

"Like that again," Aragorn finished. Spoon giggled.

"How many times did you practice that?" She asked, skipping off. She sat down against a tree, staring at her papers and muttering something to herself.

"What's that, lass?" Gimli was approaching her. She quickly looked up and hugged the papers.

"Gim, you can't look at this! What are you doing? Shoo!" Spoon exclaimed. Gimli sighed, but did what he was told. The company began walking, after packing everything up, and Spoon went with them, still reading.

"We will stop here," Gandalf announced. Spoon walked over to a rock, close to where she knew Gandalf and Gimli would sit down. After awhile, Sam had finished cooking, and Merry and Pippin were practicing fighting. Spoon looked up to see Gimli about to speak, so she quickly put her plan into action.

"If anyone were to ask for my opinion," Spoon began, speaking in the lowest voice she could come up with. "Which I note they have not, I would say that we were taking the long way round. Gandy, we can pass through the Mines of Moria. My cousin, Balin, would give us a royal welcome." Gimli turned to Spoon, glaring. Gandalf, understanding what was happening, was about to reply to Gimli, but again, Spoon interrupted.

"No, Gim. I would not take the road through Moria unless I had no other choice," Spoon said, in a valley girl tone, her voice still deep. Now, both Gimli and Gandalf were staring at her. She turned to look at Legolas.

"Oh, he's staring off into the distance. There's my cue!" She then ran to Sam.

"What is that?" She exclaimed, in a high pitched voice. She rushed over to Gimli, again. "Nothing, just a wisp of cloud," she insisted, taking up her Gimli voice. Running over to Boromir, she said, "It's moving fast. Against the wind!" Finally, she walked over to Legolas. "Crebain from Dunland!" She yelled, imitating the Barbie girl voice. Everyone stared at her. She looked up.

"Okay, guys, you may wanna hide. Now," she said. They all were shaken out of their stupor. They hid just in time. Spoon's prank resumed after the birds flew away from them.

"Spies of Saruman. The passage south is being watched," she claimed, in her Gandalf voice. "We must take the pass of Caradhras!" She exclaimed.

"Spoon, will you stop doing that?" Gandalf said, more demanding than asking.

"Let me think about that, Gandy. Um," she paused, for at least thirty seconds. "No can do. It's too much fun. Now, while you guys freeze to death on that snowy mountain-" Spoon was interrupted.

"We don't actually die, do we?" Pippin asked. Spoon giggled.

"No, Grin. Anyhow, I am going to go back to my world and drink some hot chocolate. I'll join you again when you get to- oops, can't mention that. Oh, and Aragroan?" She babbled. Aragorn glared at her.

"What?" He snapped.

"Moody today, are we? Well, I just wanted say that I got you some shampoo. It's second hand, but, it's better than whatever you're using now," she replied. Spoon tossed the ceramic bottle to Aragorn. On the side was painted 'Legolas Thranduillion.'

"Oh, yeah, sorry, Legolas. Hope you don't mind. In case you're wondering, the stuff you used earlier was for curly hair. Expect waves in a timely manner. See you later," Spoon said. And with that, she disappeared.

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**A/N: I hope you liked this chapter! Please review! Oh, and if you do review, please include the word jolly in your review somewhere. I want to see if anyone actually reads these.**


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